I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Green mimosas i think yes
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
