awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
