Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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