is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
