She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Michael Bay diarrhea
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
