A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my being single is dangerous.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The Olympian is in my bed
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
