you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
