I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
