My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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