im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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