If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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