garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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