Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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