i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
