i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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