Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
