I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
