Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
