My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
