I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
