Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
