I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
