he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
