he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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