i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
