I bet he comes in French.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
