I just saw a hot homeless man
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
