sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
