Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
