he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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