omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
