She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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