tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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