The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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