im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
