So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
