She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
