I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
