I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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