Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
