last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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