He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
