Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
