booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The uberlube is also flammable
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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