Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
