Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
