it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
