I want to have your abortion
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just pee around me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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