Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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