4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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