your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
