Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
