Just fell off a train. Bad.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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